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I am happy even though my life is about to change in a significant way. Iapos;m standing looking over the edge waiting for the ground to crumble underneath me...waiting...waiting. My family is running out of money, at possibly the worst time. I need to start applying to college, my dad tells me he is leaving my mom and that college is not an option unless I go to ODU. So I am going to ODU or TCC. He also tells me that he doesnapos;t want me to feel abandoned by him so I can go live with one of my aunts once I turn 18, I think I will go live with my brother.

Why am I happy? Why am I happy when I should be panicking? Today I realized I have 2 things, just 2 things that I need to always keep. Then I will never feel pain nor loneliness... First. My best friends, the oneapos;s I trust with my life. Arielle and Leme. Second the person that I would rip my heart out for to spare him the slightest paper cut. I love him. I am holding on to this one..and never letting go.

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I donapos;t even have the slightest idea where to start.

My life has completely fallen apart, well...almost completely

I think that Iapos;m actually insane - I have NO ATTENTION SPAN, I space out all the time, I canapos;t sleep because I space out.

I canapos;t do things, I canapos;t put my mind to anything

Iapos;m going to fuck myself over, but I donapos;t care

My head hurts on and off, is something seriously wrong with me?

I have no drive or excitement in my life anymore

Everything blends into one another, my memory is horrible now

I really have no purpose of being here...Iapos;ve thought it over and itapos;s what I feel.


Even as I senselessly write this, I know that Iapos;m not going to change anything.

Iapos;m just going to slide through life, completely unhappy


Like I am ALL THE TIME.


*Iapos;m trying to be poetic, and I hate myself for it*

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For halloween Iapos;m wanting to do a really spiffy green lip, think like a poison/emerald kind of green. I donapos;t really want to use my pigments though because I only have sample sized ones and donapos;t want to waste any for something that Iapos;m honestly only going to be wearing for a couple of hours.

does anyone know of any makeup sites where I can get a really kickass green lipstick? I used to know of one a few years back but like hell if I could remember it when I actually needed it. I might check manic panic too, anyone have any feedback for theirapos;s? Iapos;m honestly not expecting something fantabulous but I still want something nice. Iapos;m weird so Iapos;ll probably end up using it for something else like st. Patrickapos;s day hahaha.


also, dazzleglasses I have none and I want one [or two...] so whatapos;s everyoneapos;s favorites? Iapos;m definitely leaning towards ms. Fizz, and maybe sugarrimmed? either way they look really cool and Iapos;m kicking myself for missing out on them before.

thanks in advance I promise to post pics of my costume, Iapos;m keeping it a secret until then.

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�))))): rawr rawr. Sick.. Sore throat. Block nose. Had flu ytd night. Feeling so lethargic now.. I kept drinking water. Lol. Asked my maid to cook me porridge. Lol. Iapos;m gonna rest well now. Aha. Thereapos;s still trg later. Haha. I think i drank too much of honey milk tea. My throat feels pain after ytdapos;s honey milk tea. Hahaha. Everytime go np lib study then iapos;ll buy milk tea or honey milk tea.. Never really drink plain water. Haha. Stupid.�
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